or
"When There Is No More Room In My Pants The Dead Will Walk The Earth"

And by "dead," I mean "dead fashion concepts." It was recently brought to my attention in the comments to Ful's post about his jeans that my taste in pants (loose, baggy, and stuffed full of gear) is completely unacceptable. This isn't news, I've been hearing "fashionable" people bitch about this for quite some time. What can I say, I need the pockets.

Well, Old Navy has finally given up the ghost and stopped producing the jeans I love in colors which are acceptable in polite society. If Kate's right and the fashion industry is so affronted by my taste in pants that they're actively moving against me, what am I to do? I bought a pair of pants today which the sales ladies seemed to be very certain look good on me, but they're all, well, snug. There's no way I could fit a bottle of Snapple into the back pocket in emergencies. Where's a guy in modern times to put all his stuff?

Well, I have an answer. Wear your jeans as tight as the ladies like, fellas, because you've got a brand new old-fashioned place to hold your gear.

Oh yeah. It's the holster, and it's about to come back in a big way. Little clip-on cell phone case? That weak shit is low-fi. We're talking about real, designer leather holsters (plastic for the PETA crowd). Instead of guns, these things will carry all the gear the modern man needs to get through the day. At night, just unbuckle the thing, let it drop to the floor, and put it back on the next day, just like you do with your jeans. Soon, everyone will be wearing them and modern-day holsters (perhaps marketed as Man-Straps or X-treme Beltz) will become as ubiquitous as herpes in a freshman dorm. And in yet another facet of modern life, Batman will have shown us the way to enlightenment.

It may be just a dream, but it's a beautiful one.